LotS/The Story/Talia's Team/Pitch Battle

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Pitch Battle

Pitch Battle
Pitch Battle

They'd scored already... Not good.

You know how it is in a battle. If one side gets the upper hand right away, and scores a big win of some kind, it can make the other side lose hope. And once their morale goes, they just fall apart. I couldn't let that happen. I needed everyone to keep their heads in the game. So when we huddled up, I said: "Time for Plan V."

The 'V' stood for 'Violence'.

"Jacob Chang is taking the kickoff for the Sian Dragons, Bob."

"And look at that ball go, Jesse. It's the first time I've ever seen a crane kick on the thugby pitch."

"It's going all the way down the Megas' half of the field! How did he kick like that?"

"It's called chi, Jesse."

"Well, some of our fans will probably call it chi-ting. Get it, Bob? Chi-ting? Cheating?"

"It's not a real joke if you have to explain it, Jesse... Check out the Dragons! They're going all out! The eleven players on the team are invading the Megas' territory together. They're not leaving anyone behind for defense!"

"They're not even making for the ball! They're all just starting fights with the first Megas they run into!"

"Virgil Jackson practically tackled that guy in half! 'Great Wall' Guan is ploughing through Megas like a rhino smashing its way through a pediatrics unit! Leif Gunderson has 'Grunge' Gressa in a headlock and is punching her in the face! Frida Gunderson, the other half of the brother-sister thugby duo, is stomping on Zippy Lazlo's head! It's not been a good night for Zippy!"

"Uh oh... Jacob Chang's going for Gut-Phager. This could be a mistake, Bob."

"A flying kick! And Gut-Phager just knocks it aside!"

"Oh! You could feel that punch from here! The entire crowd groaned with that one! Chang's tottering around like he's been on a bender!"

"And Gut-Phager isn't finished with him! He's picking him up, and... Powerbomb! He smashed Chang down right on his head!"

"Chang isn't moving!"

"Even chi can't save you from Gut-Phager!"

"There's 'Great Wall' Guan -- he's grappling with the Megas' captain, and keeping him off Chang."

"It's a bit late for that, Jesse. I've been served crispy aromatic duck that looked more alive than that guy!"

"Frida Gunderson's slung Chang over her shoulder, and is carrying him to the sideline for medical attention. We'd like to remind everyone watching that thugby armor automatically immobilizes a player's neck and spine when they're incapacitated. If you encounter someone with possible spinal injuries elsewhere, they shouldn't be manhandled like that!"

"The rest of the Dragons are out for revenge! They're going for Gut-Phager, and the other Megas are diving into the melee to back him up! It's a warzone! They don't even care about the ball anymore!"

"Hold on, Bob -- it looks like a couple of them still do! Zippy Lazlo's dazed from his stomping, but he's staggering towards the ball. And there's Leif Gunderson right behind! Zippy's got it, but he doesn't know Gunderson's coming for him! He's turning round and... Wow! Lazlo grabbed the ball, and the Niflung grabbed Lazlo! He's running down the field with the Mega!"

"None of the other Megas are paying attention! They're too busy fighting! Gunderson's near the end zone and... He just powerslammed Zippy into the ground! With the ball! Touchdown! Touchdown!"

"The score's tied now! The referees' are blowing their whistles to get the teams to their positions, but no one's listening. They're still going at it!"



Chang was okay. He was out of the match, and we had to bring a substitute on, but there wasn't any permanent damage. As for the rest of us...

Ever tried fighting in thugby armor? It's pretty tiring -- especially when you're getting battered by a bunch of beefy players. And we went at it hard for a long time. So we were all exhausted, us and the Megas. Afterwards the game slowed down for a bit. Both teams played more defensive. It was only near the end of the match that things livened up again.

The ball had just gone out of bounds, into the stands. That meant another scrum to get things restarted. Everyone knew the next try would settle it, and it gave us our second wind.

"Both teams are pushing hard, Bob!"

"And punching the hell out of each other! That's what I like to see!"

"There's the ball! It looks like Virgil Jackson grabbed it and knocked it clear -- straight to Talia Ryx! The scrum's breaking up! Some of the Dragons are heading down the field, and the Megas are moving to block them!"

"Talia's getting ready to throw the ball, but no one's open! And two of the Megas are heading right for her!"