LotS/The Story/Because I'm The Wanderer/Intro

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Please state your full name.

TALIA RYX: You know my name. It was on that stupid summons you sent me.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Let the record show that the witness is refusing to cooperate. Mr. Lu Bu, kindly advise your client to address this inquiry in a more appropriate manner.

LU BU: Talia...

TALIA RYX: Fine... Talia Ryx.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Miss Ryx, what is your relationship with Rhapsody-

LU BU: Mr. Secretary-General, please remember that former holders of the office of Imperial Jian continue to bear that title as an honorific for the remainder of their lives.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Very well. What is your relationship with the... Jian?

TALIA RYX: She's my friend. You already know that. That's why I'm here.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Indeed. Would you say that the two of you are close friends?

TALIA RYX: I'd take a blaster shot to the head for her.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: You'd show such loyalty to a woman responsible for millions of deaths?

TALIA RYX: [expletive deleted] you!

---

FRANCOIS DUPONT: King Telemachus-

LU BU: Prince.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Excuse me?

LU BU: My client is the Prince of Gallea. He hasn't yet undergone the coronation process which would formally bestow the title of king upon him.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: I see. Prince Telemachus, were you at any time given foreknowledge of the Jian's planned nuclear attacks on Centurian worlds, or her decision to destroy escape pods containing innocent civilians?

[The witness leans over to his counsel.]

PRINCE TELEMACHUS: Do I have to answer him?

LU BU: No. As a head of state, you'd be well within your rights to-

PRINCE TELEMACHUS: Then I'm out of here!

[The witness rises and walks towards the exit, stopping briefly to make an obscene gesture in the direction of the secretary-general.]

---

FRANCOIS DUPONT: You were actually beside the Jian when she initiated her illegal assault?

RAGNAR RAGNARSSON: I was there when the Centurians got what they deserved.

LU BU: I must remind this inquiry that the legal status of Jian Rhapsody's actions are still under dispute. It is highly inappropriate-

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Your objection is noted. Now, Mr. Ragnarsson, can you explain why you made no effort to stop the Jian? Were you perhaps intimidated, and placed in fear of your life?

RAGNAR RAGNARSSON: Intimidated? I'll show you intimidated!

[The witness stands up, lifts the table above his head, and throws it in the direction of the secretary-general -- causing him to duck for cover. He then strides towards the exit, barging past the security guards who try to restrain him, and leaves the chamber. Some seconds after the door slams closed behind him, the secretary-general reappears from behind the bench.]

LU BU: I'd like to remind everyone that my client enjoys full diplomatic immunity as the Sian Empire's ambassador without portfolio...

---

WU TENCHU: There have been many occasions on which harsh military measures, including strikes against civilian populations, were deemed necessary to bring an end to a conflict. For example, the atomic attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki during the twentieth-

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Mr. Prime Minister, there can be no such justification here. Councilor Dule was willing to end hostilities before the Jian engaged in her illegal-

[The witness' counsel rises to his feet and makes a coughing noise.]

FRANCOIS DUPONT: ...her disputed actions.

WU TENCHU: Jian Rhapsody was never made aware of this.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: This is utterly untrue! I personally communicated with her before she initiated the attack on Centurian space, and demanded that she stand down!

WU TENCHU: With the greatest of respect, Secretary-General, I do not believe there is any evidence that this conversation ever took place.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Only because the murderous criminal who struck me down deleted the logs! And because Captain Silea and her crew have chosen to aid in the conspiracy!

LU BU: These accusations are most improper! Let the record show that no formal charges have been made against any crew member who served aboard the Illaria under the Jian's command or at any time subsequent.

WU TENCHU: One might also question how this 'murderous criminal' could have entered your home to assault you, without triggering a security system to which the UHW devoted considerable financial resources.

[The secretary-general glares at the witness for several seconds.]

FRANCOIS DUPONT: I have our finest agents searching for clues as to the identity of that cowardly, despicable person. Rest assured, they will be brought to justice! No matter where they hide, or what they... Aaarrrggghhh!

[Added to the record later:

The secretary-general's moustache caught fire. The clerk recording the session was forced to jump up and douse Mr. Dupont's face with water to extinguish the burning facial hair. The inquiry was suspended while security personnel searched the building for the party or parties responsible, and Secretary-General Dupont received medical attention for the minor burns he suffered. It resumed approximately 1 hour 03 minutes later.]

WU TENCHU: The Sian Empire would like to extend our condolences for the apparent spontaneous combustion of the secretary-general's moustache.

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Spontaneous combustion! It was an assassination-

LU BU: Of a moustache?

FRANCOIS DUPONT: ...attempt! Someone is trying to undermine this inquiry! I shall not allow that to happen! I shall...

[By mutual consent of all parties involved, the secretary-general's profane tirade has been expunged from these records.]

FRANCOIS DUPONT: Mr. Prime Minster, where is the Jian?

WU TENCHU: Where indeed...

---

-- Extracts from official transcripts of the UHW inquiry into the Centurian Incident