LotS/The Story/Lu Bu's Halloween/TricksTreatsAndTrollops
Tricks, Treats, And Trollops
"Halloween is a human festival which originated on Earth. Its exact genesis and initial purpose are the subject of scholarly debate, though it once carried certain religious connotations which are no longer part of its contemporary incarnation. Instead, present-day Halloween largely consists of children dressing up in costumes and extorting unhealthy foodstuffs from adults via threats of mischief. On certain worlds, this behavior may technically fall under local legal definitions of terrorism. However, no children have yet been prosecuted on this basis. A Neo-American senator recently put forward a bill which would have designated 'trick or treat' as a terrorist threat, and authorized lethal force as a response. But it was defeated by a significant margin."
"Mr. Lu Bu..." one of the children said.
"Yes?"
"We're not here to learn stuff. We're here for candy."
"Oh. Very well."
Lu Bu conducted a quick headcount, to ensure that none of his young charges had disappeared. In a tiny fraction of a second, his computerized brain ascertained that the number of vampires, mummies, witches, fairy princesses, superheroes, lycanthropes, Twisted Steel fighters, and other beings, was at an acceptable level. This was important. Several of the event's organizers had been very reluctant to place children in his care, and had only relented because of Lady Hollister's personal assurances. It wouldn't have reflected well either on himself or on the esteemed lady if any of them had gone missing.
The transport had deposited them all at the bottom of their group's designated street. To accomplish his mission, he only had to lead them from one end to the other without mishap, stopping at each domicile on the way to demand candy or similar products. It seemed simple enough. He would-
His hand shot out, seized a wizard by the collar, and yanked him back onto the sidewalk. A vehicle's horn blared. Then its red metal mass sped by -- through the space the boy had occupied a moment prior.
"Why did you run into the road?" Lu Bu demanded.
"I wanted to play with the cat!" the boy said.
He pointed across the way. A black feline was indeed sat on the lawn opposite, licking at a raised paw. It glanced over at Lu Bu, as though to deny its responsibility in the whole affair, before returning its attention to the pursuit of saliva-induced cleanliness.
"No one is to cross the street without my permission. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Mr. Lu Bu!" they chorused.
He scanned their faces for signs of deception. And when he ushered them onward, he brought up the rear so he could better keep watch over them. The robot's practical experience with children was limited. Telemachus was the only child he knew well, and Lu Bu suspected that the young prince was somewhat atypical of his age group. But he was beginning to sense the evening's duties might be more difficult and frustrating than he'd initially expected.
To his satisfaction, none of the others tried to run in front of vehicles, and they all reached the first house intact. So far, so good. He followed them down the path which ran between the two halves of neatly trimmed lawn, and stood back as they crowded around its entrance.
One of the vampire girls kicked the door.
"Give us candy!" she shouted.
"Myxi!" Lu Bu said, modulating his voice for maximum severity. "What would your parents say if they saw you behaving like that?"
"They'd tell me to stop..."
"Exactly. It's not-"
"...and sneak in through the window. Then grab anything that looked expensive."
"Oh. Well, you shouldn't do that either. It's wrong."
"Sorry, Mr. Lu Bu."
She knocked with her hand instead. The door opened, revealing a plump couple with merriment on their faces and huge buckets in their hands.
"Trick or treat!" most of the children said.
"Your candy or your lives!" one humorist added. He was dressed as an archaic highwayman, so Lu Bu decided to classify it as acceptable theatrics and refrain from reprimanding him.
The man and woman went to work with a precision that bespoke many years' practice. They distributed kind words to each child, pouring lavish praise on all their costumes. More importantly, they doled out candy from their buckets with equally liberal hands. An even amount found its way into each pumpkin-shaped bucket the children had been issued with. And when one of the boys tried to pick the woman's pocket, she grabbed his hand with a firm but gentle grip, then gave him a quick lecture with more kindness than severity. It seemed to leave him suitably and sincerely contrite.
Yes, they had to be seasoned veterans -- well prepared for the annual ritual of interstellar celebrities descending upon their neighborhood to give underprivileged children a night of wholesome fun. Lu Bu thanked them, before ushering his flock back up the garden path.
The little monsters laughed and chatted, comparing their hauls. That first taste of blood had satisfied them for the moment, and taken the edge off their voracity.
"Why didn't you wear a costume, Mr. Lu Bu?" a fairy asked.
"I am wearing one," he replied. "I'm dressed as my prototype. It had a slightly different finish."
"That's stupid."
"Its cognitive capabilities were indeed inferior."
A short walk brought them to the door of another large house. This one had grinning pumpkins and fluttering ghosts arranged along its roof. Like the previous dwelling, it too bore an architectural style from Earth's past. It was a traditional neighborhood, emulating a sedate American suburb of yesteryear -- its technology hidden behind the classic veneer. Traditional and affluent. Rich and generous enough to have volunteered for this charitable role, alongside a number of other districts.
This time there was no kicking. A ghost pressed the doorbell. The portal opened inwards in one quick, sharp movement. The children screamed. Then they laughed, when the revealed 'hanged man' winked, let himself down from the noose, and picked up a big tin of bite-sized chocolate bars. His co-conspirator stepped out from behind the door and did the same. More unhealthy snacks were placed inside plastic pumpkins, thus enhancing the happiness of all concerned.
With this fresh success under his proverbial belt, Lu Bu directed the children back towards the sidewalk with rather less trepidation than he'd felt before. That contentment only lasted for a moment, however -- until the children up ahead started shouting.
"More kids!" Frankenstein's monster exclaimed. He pointed down the street.
"They're taking our houses!" a witch yelled.
"They're stealing our candy!" a mummy shrieked.
"Let's stab their faces!" a pirate cried.
Lu Bu hurried across the garden to investigate the former claims and prevent the latter violence. When he reached the sidewalk, beyond the line of evergreens which divided the house from its neighbor, he saw them.
Another band of children, attired in an assortment of Halloween costumes like his own charges. And a taller figure that towered above them. A voluptuous blonde woman, dressed in a risqué vampire outfit which seemed to display more of her legs and breasts than it covered.
She glanced over at him. Her eyes widened. Then she laughed.
"My, my... What a small galaxy!"
"Natasha Cybersmash!" he said.
The mattress beneath Sun Xi was soft and comfortable. It yielded just the right amount to cradle and support her body in the manner she preferred. The chamber around her was dim, lit only by the faint moonlight which shimmered through the unveiled window and formed a murky pool on the carpet. Night's breeze rustled through the cherry blossom trees in the gardens outside.
All the sensations, sights, and sounds were right -- the accompaniments to slumber that she most relished. And yet she lay awake, her mind untouched by sleep's soothing caress.
The vision from the marketplace swam before her eyes. It had refused to leave her thoughts, to slip back into the vast depths of esoteric knowledge housed within her brain. This troubled her. Mistress Sun had seen wonders the likes of which others couldn't even have dreamed -- for their minds hadn't the clay to fashion such things. And she'd glimpsed horrors that might have torn the sanity from those who lacked her mental strength.
But this one thing haunted her. That meant it was important, for reasons she couldn't yet comprehend.
What did it mean? And who was 'Jack'?
She had to find out.