LotS/The Story/The Saga of Drunken Ragnar/Intro

--- From: Svana Spunbracher To: Rektor Hrolfsson Subject: Resignation

Karl, I've decided to resign my position. Please consider this message my formal notice. I'll finish up the month, to give you time to find a replacement, but after that I'm gone. --- --- From: Rektor Hrolfsson To: Svana Spunbracher Subject: Re: Resignation

Svana, this has come as quite a surprise. I know things were a little difficult for you today, but you shouldn't make hasty decisions while you're upset. Just between you and me, you're the best literature teacher we've ever had. We need you here at Siegfried.

Have you been offered a better post somewhere else? If so, I'll hack the head off your shoulders and mount it in the hallway as a warning to others who might betray Siegfried School with their treachery and set loyalty at naught.

Sorry -- you know the school charter forces me to say that. But really, I hope you'll reconsider. --- --- From: Svana Spunbracher To: Rektor Hrolfsson Subject: Re: Re: Resignation

I'm sorry, Karl. My mind's made up. But you don't need to threaten me with decapitation (I still can't believe they voted that clause into our contracts -- I suppose that's what we get for having so many ex-berserkers on the school board). I'm not heading to another school. I'm quitting teaching.

It's not just today's incident. That was just the final nail in the coffin. Things have been bad for a while now. --- --- From: Rektor Hrolfsson To: Svana Spunbracher Subject: Re: Re: Re: Resignation

We've had a few problems over the past months, sure. But what school doesn't? We both know we have more than our fair share of troubled kids here. That's all the more reason why we need teachers like you, who can reach them and inspire them.

And I can't believe you're quitting teaching! I mean, it's great that I won't have to chop your head off. I wasn't looking forward to that at all. And your father's people would have broken me in half when they found out. But you love teaching! I remember your first day here. You were so excited about stepping into that classroom. --- --- From: Svana Spunbracher To: Rektor Hrolfsson Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Resignation

I don't think "a few problems" really covers it. When you turn around to write on the holo-board, you expect the kids to mess around a little. But you don't expect them to chuck a throwing axe at your head.

That was bad enough. But remember what his father said when we brought him in? He told the boy off -- for having such bad aim. How are we expected to do this job when the parents won't pull their weight?

Anyway, teaching was never my real passion. Literature is. I just thought it would be great to help kids discover that same love. But my time here at Siegfried has made me realize that the job just isn't for me. It's about time I tried doing something I'll feel good about. That's why I'm going to become a writer. I've always wanted to write a great Niflung saga, like the ones that inspired me as a girl. I bet I'll reach more children that way than standing in a classroom and having axes thrown at my head. --- --- From: Rektor Hrolfsson To: Svana Spunbracher Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Resignation

Well, I'm still sorry to see you go. But I can see your mind's made up, so I wish you the best of luck.

Don't worry about seeing the month out. I can bring in a substitute teacher to cover until we find a full-time replacement. As of the receipt of this message, you're officially no longer a teacher at Siegfried.

Hey, now that you don't work here anymore, the policy on intra-faculty relationships no longer applies. Would you like to go out for a drink, or maybe some dinner? The Butchered Beast is doing its 'beer and boar' feast tonight. --- --- From: Svana Spunbracher To: Rektor Hrolfsson Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Resignation

Sure. A little beer and boar should help get the literary juices flowing.

I'll meet you there at seven. ---

--- From: Midgard Publishing To: Svana Spunbracher Subject: Re: Submission

Dear Miss Spunbracher,

Thank you for your submission entitled The Saga of Bloody Erik. However, I'm afraid that it doesn't suit our present needs. By which I mean that we at Midgard Publishing pride ourselves on publishing high quality fiction and creative non-fiction, whereas your work was, to put it simply, crap.

That said, my gratitude is genuine. Just last week I was telling my colleagues that women aren't cut out to write sagas. So, I'm extremely grateful for the evidence your submission provided.

Yours sincerely,

Olaf Runnson Editor Midgard Publishing --- --- From: Midgard Publishing To: Svana Spunbracher Subject: Apologies

Dear Miss Spunbracher,

Please except my sincere apologies for the message you received from one of our editors. Naturally if Mr. Runnson had known who your father was, he certainly wouldn't have addressed you so inappropriately.

I hope you'll remember that our editors often have to deal with many hundreds of submissions each day, and that their judgment might therefore sometimes be impaired by tiredness and frustration. Upon reading The Saga of Bloody Erik for a second time, Mr. Runnson realized that his previous assessment of the work was unfair and inaccurate.

We'd be honored to publish your saga. Please review the attached contract, which I believe you'll find very much to your liking. We've doubled our usual advance for first-time authors, as a token of our esteem and a gesture of apology.

If you'd be so good as to inform your father of our offer, and prevent him from slaughtering us all, we'd be very grateful.

Yours sincerely,

Kveldulf Gulbrandensen Chief Editor Midgard Publishing --- --- From: Svana Spunbracher To: Midgard Publishing Subject: Re: Apologies

Dear Mr. Gulbrandensen,

You don't have to worry. I didn't tell him about your editor's rude rejection slip.

As for your offer to publish my saga, I'm afraid that I can't accept it. I'd like my writing to be published on its own merits, not because your background check found out about my father. If I wanted to benefit from nepotism, I wouldn't have changed my name to Spunbracher.

If you really want to show you're sorry, perhaps you could give me some advice on how to write a better saga?

Yours sincerely,

Svana Spunbracher --- --- From: Midgard Publishing To: Svana Spunbracher Subject: Re: Re: Re: Apologies

Dear Miss Spunbracher,

I must say I admire your attitude, and I'm not just saying that because I don't want to be hacked limb from limb.

I've written a number of sagas over the years, and have published many more. So I feel qualified to give you a little advice, as you requested.

The Saga of Bloody Erik wasn't a bad attempt. However, the market for sagas set on Earth during the Viking Age is limited at the moment. These days readers (and editors!) prefer stories with a contemporary setting. Although we respect our glorious Norse heritage, the events of that period can seem rather unimaginative by modern standards. Family feuds, medieval lawsuits, and honorable duels are all well and good for historical fiction -- but a modern Niflung saga should try to move beyond them. An unusual plot will help you grab an editor's attention.

Similarly, don't feel shackled to old literary devices. A few kennings are a nice touch, but they should be used sparingly. As for throwing in stanzas of alliterative verse and intricate skaldic poetry, that's a little excessive. Remember that you're trying to appeal to a broad, present-day readership. Give us the flavor of a Norse saga without going over the top and making it a struggle to read.

If I might offer a suggestion, why don't you write a saga about your father? I'm sure he's done plenty of things people would love to hear about.

Yours sincerely,

Kveldulf Gulbrandensen Chief Editor Midgard Publishing

PS. Please feel free to submit your next saga to us. If you're worried about nepotism, just put a different name on the submission message. --- --- From: Svana Spunbracher To: Midgard Publishing Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Apologies

Dear Mr. Gulbrandensen,

Thank you very much for your kind advice and offer. I'll most certainly consider the former and take advantage of the latter.

I don't think it would be appropriate to write a saga about my father. Most of his adventures probably aren't suitable for a daughter's ears. But you've given me an idea. I think he could put me in touch with another contemporary Niflung warrior whose exploits would be worth writing about.

Thank you once again.

Yours sincerely,

Svana Spunbracher

PS. Please tell Mr. Runnson to stop sending me boxes of chocolates, barrels of ale, and honey-glazed hams with groveling apology notes. I've run out of places to put them, and have had to donate the last six barrels and twelve hams to the local orphanage. ---

--- From: Valkyrie Bloodsword To: Midgard Publishing Subject: Submission

Dear Sir,

Please find attached a work entitled The Saga of Drunken Ragnar, which I hope will interest you.

Yours faithfully,

Valkyrie Bloodsword ---